If Dating Was Like Picking Shares: Barefoot Investor Parody

How to size up any man in just 60 seconds! Protect yourself from stupid romantic investments this year … find out what happens if dating was like picking shares.

Revealed: The Four Red Flags Of A Dodgy Date.

If you’re reading this, I want you stop what you’re doing … pour yourself a stiff drink … and close the door.

What follows could be the most valuable half hour OF YOUR LIFE, and you don’t want to be interrupted (leave buzz in the drawer, this is serious).

I’ve got Australia’s top dating picker … and I’m getting him to SHOW you (no, not that), the PROCESS he uses every single time before even eyeing up a man.

This month I sat down with Chief Dating Analyst, Magic Mike. By following his advice, the size up (again, not that) will take you less than half an hour to learn.

You’ll discover:

  • How to spot the four Red Flags that warn you it’s a dodgy man
  • Magic Mike’s size-up of real men … would he date any of them?
  • The most important things to look for in a man before you invest in him
  • What to do after you’ve sized up a man
  • And more!

Magic Mike’s 60 Second Date Size Up

When we size up a man, we’re sizing up his finances, so there are two things to check for:

  1. That he won’t go broke from too much debt
  2. That you’ll get a good return on investing in this man

Use the four questions below – along with his financial details – to find out if he’s dodgy or not in just 60 seconds.

Step 1: Are his debt levels acceptable?

Rule of thumb: A man should own more than he owes. You should tolerate less debt when a man is in casual, part-time or contract work. Higher debt for more stable employment. Ensure you know about every single one of his liabilities before dating.

Step 2: Does he have a history of increasing net worth?

If he doesn’t know his net worth, run, run, run very far away – this man is not financially literate and therefore is a bad investment.

However, if the potential date can show you his net worth spreadsheets – we’re getting really sexy now – it’s time to investigate further. Has his net worth increased for the last several years? If there are negative years, why? If there are multiple negative years, STOP LOOKING AT THIS MAN.

Step 3: Have his earnings been increasing?

Similar to step 2, but now we look to his earnings.

Ask for a paper record of the last 10 years of his tax returns. Look for a trend. Growth in his earnings is what drives up a man’s net worth. Over the short term, his earnings may jump around a bit. But if earnings grow over time, this man may be a keeper.

Step 4: Are you getting a good return on your money when investing in this man?

Check on his dating history. Has he previously dated only a few women and were they long term relationships? The fewer the better – but remember other women are thinking the same way as you, so how much are you prepared to invest in this man? Men with a higher investment value generally carry greater desirability.

This tool is about helping you avoid dodgy dates. So if any answers to these four questions are ‘no’ then DON’T DATE THIS MAN.

But if you get all ‘yes’ answers, that doesn’t mean he’s a good investment – it means you now do a more thorough review of this man, AND calculate the price you’d be willing to invest to have him be part of your life.

Example 1: Not Hot

Magic Mike put this favourable man through his 60 second filter … and finds out this ‘hot tip’ is just ‘hot air’!

He sure is popular, has lots of friends and the Millennials love him. With this man you get the goods up front, however you just might end up paying later.

Following Magic Mike’s guide, Example 1 passes the debt test. He owns more than he owes and carries little debt.

He’s only been employed the past four years due to his age, however his earnings have gone backwards every single year since he started working. That’s right, he earns less money than he did when he was first employed.

This man is definitely NOT HOT and is a FAIL. There is no good reason to proceed any further.

Example 2: A Quality Man

Example 2 is a man who feels comfortable in the kitchen. He loves his kettle, microwave oven, coffee machine, juicer and he adores toasted cheese sandwiches.

Brandon Breville has little long term debt, however be sure to check out his short term debt as well.

His, oh so sexy, spreadsheet shows his net worth has consistently increased over the past ten years.

He has also had nice high earnings for the last ten years, with no negative years at all.

And his dating history shows a good return on investment.

Therefore, Example 2 passes the 60 second dating size up with flying colours – but that just means it’s okay to proceed with further investigation, not that you should, wink wink, invest in him right away.

This man is HOT and gets a PASS to the next step.

Magic Mike’s Next Steps

If a man passes the size-up, Magic Mike will proceed to spend dozens of hours checking him out.

Here are a few of the things he recommends any woman keeps in mind …

Quality is very important

  • Check out his social media accounts. Are they acceptable?
  • Is he capable?
  • What is his career track record?
  • How does he compare to other men with similar financials?
  • Is he honest?
  • Does he deliver on his promises?
  • Has his name appeared on any bad credit rating reports?
  • Is he a strong leader?
  • Does he have the respect of his peers?
  • How does he measure up to other men, remember we are talking quality and not quantity at this stage.

Dating is more about future performance than past performance.

Past ‘performance’ is only a guide, as it may have come as biased information from previously jilted dates.

Performance must be balanced with judgement regarding the future.

Any man is a lousy investment if you have to pay too much for him.

A great man bought at too high a price (money, status, time etc.) can still turn out to be a lousy investment.

You need to place a value on a potential date and not get involved unless he meets your criteria.

Closing Advice From Magic Mike

Not everyone is cut out to select a good man for a self-constructed life portfolio.

If this is you, consider investing regularly into good quality one night stands.

Or study the process of dating, learn how to read financial documents, then choose your own long term mate.

You can do either, or both – they’re both dating!

Thanks for reading this parody which was based on the Barefoot Blueprint Portfolio Report ‘Mike’s 60 Second Stock Size-Up Guide’.

For more information about the Barefoot Investor head on over to Barefoot Budgeting, or Kid’s Pocket Money: Barefoot Style.

Please share below in the comments section any of your Hot Tips!

2 thoughts on “If Dating Was Like Picking Shares: Barefoot Investor Parody

  • 27 August 2020 at 10:37 am

    Oh my gosh well this had me in stitches, you are clearly a very talented writer and comedian. Too good. I used to love reading the blueprint newsletters and I think you’ve nailed this. I’ll need to get you to come on down to CaptainFI and team up with me to write some good old FI dating content 😂

    • 27 August 2020 at 10:40 am

      Well thank you very much for your praise. In my opinion there’s not enough financial parodies out there 😂


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